Update on my latest composing commission

Things have been going quite well recently on the composing front, I'm pleased to say. (See my previous post for the full story). I got the piece (more or less) finished several weeks ago. I completed all 8 voice parts, 4 string parts (3 violins and cell), bassoon solo part, piano accompaniment and piano reduction for rehearsal only.

Then, just last night, I was incredibly blessed to have 8 wonderful singer-friends agree to come to my house to do a sing-through of it! (I've known these singers for many years, some from the Chicago Chamber Choir, some from Cor Cantiamo. And it was lovely having my own singer-hubby, Dave, joining in too!). 

These guys helped me to hear this piece with REAL singers for the first time!! (Before last night, I'd only heard it in my head, and through my computer software, with digital / synthesized sounds). Their voices brought it alive, and really helped me to realize how I need to tweak the piece, to perfect it now, going forward.

I can't share the full videos, partly due to the license agreement I have with the school (who have commissioned this project), and partly because the piece is not finished or perfected yet! (Not to mention that the full piece includes 6 instruments as well as 8 voices, so this is not a full rendition).

However, I can share this very short 10 second clip that just gives a teeny-tiny taster of the very last chord!

The pics are just screen shots I took from the videos, just to show what fun we had! (With some editing help from Cam Carrara!)

With many thanks to these wonderful singers.

Returning to my Composing Career again!

My composer head shot, 2001

At last, I'm ready to announce to the world that I'm FINALLY returning, in a real and serious way, to my composing career again! Here's the story...

Turning the Corner on Procrastination

Anyone who can relate to "imposter syndrome" can relate to this... In my bios and credentials, I've always listed "composer" as one of several things I claim to be, but for many years, this has felt disingenuous because it has been so long since I actually composed anything. It's been partly a matter of procrastination, partly the reality of too much life getting in the way (especially raising a son with autism), and a lot of self doubt as to whether I was really capable or even willing to get back to composing again. As I turned fifty in 2021, I began to regard "composer" as a thing I used to be, but would probably never realistically return to.

However, during 2022, several things started to change, with the realization that my husband and I would soon become empty nesters! Thanks to having children fairly young, we're now at the stage where our kids are young adults, moving out of the house and off at college. Which gives me much more free time and energy to re-focus on myself and my own career goals. It's not been an overnight change though. Even with them growing up and moving away, it's taken time for me to get used to the idea of being able to get back to composing, and to work up the motivation to do it!

The Catalyst

Then, in November 2022, it was a tragic event that became the catalyst to me returning to composing. To summarize, one of my closest friends (Susanne Vogel), became terminally ill and passed away at the young age of 62. I was devasted by the shock of her passing, as were all her friends and family. Her husband asked me if I would sing a song for her, at her funeral service, and of course, I said that I would be deeply honored to do so. But, as I began looking for a suitable song to perform, I was moved to compose something myself for her, as my last gift to her and her family. And so I wrote a mini "Requiem" for her, adapting the words of the traditional Requiem Mass into a short poem dedicated specially to her. I then sang and played it on the piano at her funeral service, You can see and hear me rehearsing it on my YouTube channel, here. 

Susanne Vogel & me, Sept 2021

Susanne's Memorial Service

This post is not about that tragic event however, (as I've already posted a lot about it on social media), but what has happened since. Having successfully composed and performed this "Requiem", in a relatively short space of time, I realized that I very much still wanted to be a composer, and that I still had the creativity and ability within me to really do it, and bring my music to fruition. So, at the beginning of 2023, I set out with a new resolution in my heart (thanks to my dear friend, Susanne), to return to composing again... I made an silent pledge to Susanne, to do it in her honor...

The amazing thing was, I had managed to compose this "Requiem" pretty quickly and successfully, with no new or modern tools: just my acoustic piano, a pencil, an eraser and some paper! This is how I had always composed in the past: even my 8-part choral works! I had always just sat down at the piano, working out the music by singing the melodies in my head, improvising the harmonies on the piano, and quickly scribbling the notation down with pencil and paper! 

At least, as a classically trained musician, I'm fully versed in music theory and (since about the age of 5) have always been adept at writing music notation with pencil on music manuscript paper (paper printed with 5-line staves). So that part comes easily to me. However, the big problem with this, especially in this modern day and age, is that you are then left with nothing but a hand-written score, and nothing in proper print. I'm a neat writer; I've even gone to great lengths to re-write my music by hand, to make it very neat and easy to read. And it's totally fine if it's just a solo song with piano accompaniment (which this "Requiem" was), because the only person needing to read the score and perform it is... me!

My "Requiem for Susanne", copyright c) 2022

But, to seriously return to "proper composing" again, I knew that my biggest stumbling block was my lack of technology and means of getting a larger work printed and available for other musicians to play. In the past, I've had to pay other people to type up my choral works and print them out for me. But to move forward properly with composing again, I knew I needed to be able to do all of this myself.

Taking Steps towards my Goal

So in 2023, I took various steps to remedy this situation. Firstly, I forced myself to swallow my pride, admit I needed help, and find myself a composing teacher / guide / mentor! (I'd always balked at seeking "teaching" from a composer, because I'm already qualified in music theory and even used to teach composition myself!) But I realized that what I desperately needed was to learn how to use the latest composing software, and the latest digital piano / midi-keyboard, so that I could not only print out my compositions scores properly, but also speed up my composing and writing process.

In the spring of 2023, I found Thor Bremer, a really cool professor of digital music, media and composition at Columbia College, Chicago. I must give credit to my dear friend Rebecca, who recommended him to me. (She knew of him thanks to taking violin lessons with his wife.) After contacting him and having an hour long friendly phone call with him, I arranged my first session at his home studio, where he composes and records all his stuff. Since then, I have had numerous "sessions" with him, during which he has been extremely helpful, getting me started, set up and running with a composing software program that he recommended, called Dorico. (I now have the professional version called Dorico Pro 5)

When you've never used a composing software before, learning to use a sophisticated professional one like Dorico is very daunting at first. The learning curve is steep (especially when you're my age!), and it can be very frustrating in the beginning. Thor warned me about this, and he was right. However, with his advice and encouragement, I persisted with it, and over the course of 2023, I gradually began learning and conquering it!

Dorico Pro 5 is a fantastic composing software program: sophisticated and professional enough for serious composers to create large scores, but relatively intuitive and "easy" to use (once you know how!) I'm very thankful that I've been able to afford the full professional version of it. There's a "free" version, but as you would expect, that's limited. The pro version enables you to do much more, including professional "engraving", which is where you get to customize and fine-tune the layout of your score, to create the best looking printed score for your musicians to read.

My next step was investing in a decent digital piano / midi keyboard. While it's not essential, it's extremely useful to be able to play music directly from the digital piano into the computer, which can then notate it for you, while you play. You can enter notes directly into the computer, with mouse clicks or short-hand commands on the computer keyboard, and this is great for tweaking and editing. But when you're first starting to compose a piece, it's so much quicker and easier to just play it on the digital piano and have the software notate it for you. 

Since I'm a classical pianist, I've been perfectly satisfied with just having an acoustic piano all these years. (And I'm very fortunate to have a lovely Yamaha medium 5 foot grand piano!) I haven't needed or wanted a digital piano... until now!

I have my husband, Dave, to thank and credit for helping me find a lovely digital piano!  He did some research for me and found me the Donner DEP 20, which is the perfect digital piano for someone like me. It's a full size (88 key) keyboard with properly weighted keys that "feel" like playing a real piano. It has a vast array of sounds that are pretty impressive and realistic, and most importantly, a decent piano sound. And it comes with a well designed "sustaining pedal" which has real heft and weight to it, that feels close to playing a "real" sustaining pedal on a piano. And yet the whole thing was not too terribly expensive: as always, Dave managed to find a great bargain with a re-furbished model from E-bay for less than the cost of a brand new one.

I finally got this digital piano in November 2023, so it took a while, but it felt good to finish the year with the new tools that I'd promised myself I would get at the start of 2023...

An Exciting New Composing Commission

It has really felt like the Universe, or God, or some higher power has been urging me, steering me and guiding me towards returning to composing... The series of events starting with my friend passing away in 2022, and then the opportunities coming my way since then have been impossible to ignore...

Having spent 2023 investing in professional composing software, a decent new digital piano, and regular sessions with my composing teacher, I felt really ready to start composing again, and even made a list of ideas of "projects" to start tackling. As always though, without having any deadlines, these amorphous projects seemed like cool ideas, but would I actually bring them to fruition? I felt like I could, but I wasn't sure... So, while waiting for new inspiration to hit, I busied myself with getting some of my old compositions typed up into my new composing software. This was great for learning and practicing my new Dorico skills, as well as reminding myself of the compositions I've produced in the past, and therefore giving me the confidence to be able to produce something new...

Then, something happened at the start of 2024: another "catapult" event, which would propel me into composing again at full throttle! This time, thankfully, it wasn't a dear friend passing away, but rather a dear friend giving me the most amazing new composing opportunity...

A short summary:

Here's my short "elevator pitch" (or TLDR) version: I've been commissioned to compose a special piece of choral music, for the opening ceremony of a special new building, in the grounds of a highly renowned private school called Leighton Park, in Reading, England! I'm not only getting paid for composing it, but am being offered an all-expenses-paid trip to England (air-fare, plus 3 nights accommodation) in October 2024, so that I can go over there to work with the choir and see it performed! Also, the actor, Jim Broadbent (of Harry Potter and Game of Thrones fame), has been invited to make a speech at this opening ceremony too, and so (if he can make it), I'll get to meet him too! 

That's the short version... now I'll fill you in on the details of how and why this composing commission happened...

The Full Story

Matthew Judd at Leighton Park

It started with my visit to England last June (2023). Little did I realize (at the time) that going to England then would lead me back to composing again. During this trip, I visited my dear old friend, Matthew Judd, who was actually my very first boyfriend in my High School (when I was 15!). We had dated on and off for several years during high school and beyond. Although we broke up when I was 21, we have remained very good friends and have kept in touch ever since. 

A bit of relevant background: Matthew has been a high school Geography teacher for about 30 years, and a Headmaster (aka "Principal" for American readers) of two different high schools for over 10 years. Six years ago, he became the Headmaster of a highly renowned, exclusive school called Leighton Park - a large, private co-ed boarding school with many famous and notable alumni. It's a Quaker school, founded on the principals of the Quaker religion and philosophies. 

So during this visit, Matthew and I got talking about my old composing career and about me getting back into composing again. He had already become familiar with my compositions, listening to them on my YouTube channel, and he was recently struck by the "Requiem" that I wrote for Susanne in November 2022 (as I mentioned above). He loved the style of it, and very kindly called it "sublime". He then said that he would love to see me compose more works, and he said he had the seed of an idea, but wouldn't tell me what it was... 

Fast forward to January this year, 2024... Matthew wrote and asked me if I'd be interested in a new composing commission! But, he still wouldn't say what it was! He said he wanted to tell me during a Zoom meeting. Of course, I was very intrigued and so we set up a Zoom meeting, during which he told me all about the commission...

It involves a couple of stories: the story of a building and the story of a boy...

The Building

The building is a special old historical building, originally called "Grove House", which Leighton Park school owns. It's a beautiful old manor house, built in the 1800s and designed by the famous British architect, Alfred Waterhouse, an alumnus of the school. (He attended the school, back when it was known as Grove House School, before it turned into Leighton Park School). 

Alfred Waterhouse is most known for designing the Natural History Museum in London. Grove House was originally built as a boarding house for Leighton Park School. But now, it is being worked on, modernized and dramatically renovated, and will soon become a brand new study center for Leighton Park School, including a large school library, a lecture theater, conference center, new classrooms, a cafe and gardens. 

Grove House will be re-opened in October and re-named the "Ian Austin Center", in memory and honor of a special former student of the school, Ian Austin. 

The Boy

Which brings us to the story of the boy... Ian Austin was a former student at Leighton Park school about 35 years ago (which makes him about my age), and he was best known for being a very talented musician - a trumpeter, pianist & composer with a great fondness for jazz. Tragically, he was killed in a car accident when he was just 18 and the person driving the car was a former teacher at the school. Initially, the parents of Ian Austin were so bitterly distraught by this and blamed the school for their only child's death. However, as time went on, they realized that Leighton Park school was the place where their son Ian had been the most happy. (Since it's a boarding school, he had spent most of his time there, and had developed his love of music there). So a few years after his death, they started becoming more involved with the school, spending time there, and donating money to the school for various things. Recently, both parents passed away (they were in their 80s), and since they had no other children or relatives, they bequeathed their entire estate to Leighton Park school, with the stipulation that the money be put towards something in honor and memory of their son. 

So their money is being funneled into the renovation of this historical building, Grove House, which will soon become the "Ian Austin Center". It is projected to be finished by the end of this summer, before the start of the new autumn term (aka fall semester). There will be an official opening ceremony in mid October (either Oct 11th or 18th, we don't know yet). They're going to make a special occasion out of this whole thing, with music, speeches, and a special dinner, etc.

Incredibly, I was asked by Matthew to compose a piece of choral music for this opening ceremony! The school's Chamber Choir will perform it. They are an extremely good high school choir, and have won several national choral competitions in the UK. So, although I'm keeping the piece accessible enough for a high school choir to grapple with, I certainly haven't had to limit the technical difficulty of the piece too much. The one challenge has been to keep the bass parts from going down too low, since the high school choir young men's voices are not deep basses yet! I've compensated for this by putting the bass lines of my piece into the cello, bassoon and piano parts. 

Also, as I mentioned above, the actor Jim Broadbent (known for playing Horace Slughorn in Harry Potter, Archmaester Ebrose in Game of Thrones, and many other movies & TV shows) has been asked to come and make a speech at the opening ceremony too. It will depend on his agent and his schedule, so we don't know if he'll be there yet. (I really hope so! I'd be SO excited to meet him!) He is another famous alumnus of Leighton Park School. 

Since January 2024, I have had several Zoom sessions with Matthew and the school's music director, Rosemary Scales (what a great name for a music director!) Initially we discussed everything I needed to know to get started on the piece, and since then, have been discussing my progress on it. The choir won't start learning the piece until the beginning of September 2024, which is when their autumn term begins, but, I got started on it early because I knew this was going to take me a good long while to write and get completely finalized! My goal is to give Rosemary Scales the score by early August 2024, so that she has time to learn it herself, before teaching it to the choir.

Depending on when the ceremony is, the choir should at least have five to six weeks to learn it. They also told me they have a very good concert grand piano, and very talented instrumentalists at the school. So, in addition to the voice parts, they specifically asked me to write a piano part, four string parts (three violins and one cello) and a bassoon part too! (For a very talented bassoonist that they have!)  

The Text

In our initial Zoom sessions, Matthew went over the themes that he really wanted this piece to convey. He requested that I find a text that talks about the main Quaker themes, specifically: friendship, silence, peace, harmony, simplicity and light.  

After weeks of research into Quaker texts and poetry, I just didn't find anything suitable or appropriate enough to set to music, for this specific composing commission!  So, after immersing myself in all sorts of poetry with these themes, and being inspired by many of them, in the end....

.....I decided to write my own poem! 

This was an intimidating task at first, but I kept reminding myself that with my degree in English literature from Cambridge, and my poetry writing during my school years, I ought to be capable of doing this! After jotting down ideas, themes and words, the poem gradually came to me...

My poem is about several things at once. Firstly, it is a celebration of the restoration and reopening of Grove House, a beautiful old building, renovated and modernized for today's students. And, it is also about several of the most important themes of Quakerism: mainly friendship and silence.

Friendship: I have made references to old friendships which have endured with the passage of time (such as the friendship between Ian Austin's parents and Leighton Park school, and the friendship between me and Matthew). And I have made references to new friendships about to begin, within this new building. And it's about friendship in general, which imbues a place with life and spirit. It also gives a nod to Ian Austin himself - "a cherished soul" - to whom this building is dedicated in memory.

Silence: I have made references to silence: specifically the reverence, stillness and quietness of this place, which will become a library and study center. But I have also suggested that this can be the silence of spiritual worship, within which spiritual enlightenment can be found. There will also be moments of silence in the music itself, during which the music and words will resonate and echo, and allow the audience a moment to paus and breathe, which will reflect this reverence.

Harmony: I have also made references to harmony, which can be another word for "peace", one of the most important Quaker themes. But this is also a nod to the music itself, which binds all these themes together in harmony and unity.

Light: I've also put in the word "light", a reference to another important Quaker theme, which reflects the new light inside this new building and also the notion of spiritual enlightenment.

This poem was also very much inspired by a poem that Matthew pointed out to me - "The House of Silence", by Thomas Hardy. I loved this poem, and the idea that, if we can be silent enough, and open and aware, then we might be able to see or feel the spirits, or spiritual world around us, including phantoms of former dwellers within an old building.

The other satisfying thing about writing my own poem was that I could make it exactly the length I wanted for my choral composition, I could make the lines have exactly the right rhythm and rhyme scheme that would be appropriate to set to music, and I could choose words that would be aesthetically pleasing to sing. As a choral composer, I'm usually grappling with someone else's poetry or text. It was wonderful to have my own creative control over the text for once!

I can't publish my poem publicly yet, so I can't put it here on my Blog yet. (Partly because of legal copy-right agreements with Leighton Park school, and partly because I just don't want to reveal it until after the finished choral work has been publicly debuted and performed at Leighton Park School). But if you're interested, send me a comment below, or message me and I'd be happy to share more details with you privately.

The Music

Since writing my poem, I immediately dived into setting it to music! I started the old fashioned way, by sitting down at my acoustic piano and improvising, to get the creative juices flowing, and scribbling down my first thoughts with pencil and paper, just as I've always done... Then however, after establishing the main melody and the outline of the harmonies, I moved on to my laptop and digital piano, and continued to work with Dorico, the composing software. Over the last couple of months I have been churning away on it, building it up to eight voice parts, a piano accompaniment, four string parts (three violins plus cello) and a bassoon part too! (As was requested by the choir director).

Sneak peek at my piece on my computer screen...

To my delight, I have found that composing directly into Dorico, on my computer, is not only doable, but EASIER than composing only with pencil and paper at the piano. Now that I've really familiarized myself with the software and learned most (if not all) of its functions and intricacies, I can really use it to my advantage, to write more quickly and efficiently. Also, the software really makes writing a larger orchestral score that much easier too: I can see it all there, at a glance, and have everything I need at my fingertips to input and edit it. It's even enabling me to write at a larger scale than I thought I was capable of!

Now, as of today, the essential composing of it is completely FINISHED! All that remains to do is to write a "piano reduction" for rehearsal only, and then get the whole score engraved properly, so that it will print out in a nicely readable score for the conductor, singers and musicians to be able to read and learn the piece.

I can't WAIT to share this piece with the world now! However, you and I will have to be patient! The score and the recording will not be publicly available until AFTER this piece has made its world debut as a live performance at Leighton Park School in mid October. After that, I have agreed to give Leighton Park School the rights to perform, record and copy the piece to whatever extent they want to, in the future. But then, I've also made sure that I will keep the full ownership and rights to the piece, so that I will then be able to perform, record and copy the piece to whatever extent I want to, after its initial public debut in October 2024. 

I don't know yet, if there's going to be a professional recording done of the live performance in October. I sincerely hope so! But I will at least try to make sure that I record it myself, even if just with my phone. After that, I hope to work on getting the piece performed and recorded at a later date, so that I can have it available to share in audio and/or video format, on my YouTube channel, social media and blog... Stay tuned! 

In the meantime, I am just extremely thankful for this life-changing opportunity and experience. I've already told Matthew how very grateful I am to him for giving me this commission. After this, I know that I now have the tools, the experience and the confidence to continue bringing my other composing ideas and projects to fruition too. This commission may well lead to future commissions coming my way, but I won't just sit around waiting for them to fall into my lap: - I will be putting my own compositions "out there", myself... Once the ball starts rolling, nothing can stop it! This is the way I am now, finally fulfilling my composing dream! 

By writing this down and sharing this now, I'm hoping to keep myself accountable, to make sure I don't lose the impetus, and to keep me going with it all! I feel sure I will, and I am deeply, deeply grateful...

Discovering James Arnold Taylor!

I have always been a fairly big Star Wars fan since I was a child. I was a little too young to see "A New Hope" in the movie theater, but I did see "The Empire Strikes Back" when it first came out in 1980, when I was just 8 years old! I've seen all the movies since then, but not any of the spin off series... until recently.

About 6 months ago, I started subscribing to Disney Plus (purely thanks to my desire to watch the Beatles: Get Back movie!) And since I had it, I decided I might as well do a deep dive into all the Star Wars content on there, so I started watching (almost) everything in the Star Wars universe, including catching up with the old Clone Wars animated series, (which ran from 2008 to 2020). To be honest, I didn't expect to like the Clones Wars all that much: I assumed it was more for kids and teenagers. But I was pleasantly surprised. One of the best things about it was the portrayal of the character, Obi Wan Kenobi. In fact, this character was the main reason I kept going with the Clone Wars right to the end! (And to be fair, the Clone Wars series itself got better and better as it went along, with deeper and more sophisticated material than I was expecting).

After discovering that the voice actor behind Obi Wan in the Clone Wars was James Arnold Taylor, I was intrigued. He sounded so much like Ewan McGregor, and yet he brought a quality that made Obi Wan his own creation. After looking him up, I discovered that he not only does the voice of Obi Wan Kenobi throughout the Clone Wars series, but many other voices too in the Star Wars universe and other animation series, movies and video games too! 

Finding myself even more intrigued, I then discovered that he has a vast array of videos, vlogs, interviews, mini films, documentaries, etc, on his YouTube channel - and a (freely available, ad-free) podcast, which I find very fun, interesting and inspiring to listen to... So I've been following his podcast over the last few weeks...

His vocal range and skills are amazing! As a singer and former vocal coach myself, I recognize his incredibly musical ear, in his ability to mimic other people's voices so perfectly. And, as a Brit, I'm really impressed with his British accent especially when portraying Obi Wan Kenobi. He has a beautiful singing voice too, and is amazing at improv, creating a wide range of characters on the spot! And more than this, he is such a sweet, delightful and inspiring person!! 

His podcast and behind-the-scenes videos on his YouTube channel invite you into his daily life, and his fascinating experiences as a voice actor, and allow you to see the wonderful person he really is in real life.  It's really worth diving into all the podcast episodes from the beginning... I started with the most recent and am working my way backwards through the years of content!

He provides a wonderful mixture of some fun, entertaining sections, with all the voice characters he's created, but also some deep, philosophical, reflective sections too, which I love. He opens up about his faith and spirituality, and does it in a way that is inclusive to all of us whether we are of the same spiritual beliefs or not. 

James is so encouraging, warm and generous. I'm finding his podcast to be a refreshing, uplifting way to get me through my day, while driving, cooking or doing chores around the house. More than this, it is actually helping me in a concrete way to deal with my clinical anxiety - I'm finding that James's soothing voice, deep breathing reminders, and genuine, caring encouragement, keep me grounded and calm, more than most other techniques I've tried.

Then just recently, an exciting thing happened! I wrote a fan letter to James Arnold Taylor, letting him know how much I appreciate his voice, work and especially his podcast. I posted it as a comment on YouTube, under his recent episode. To my absolute delight and amazement, JAT (as his fans call him) not only saw my letter, but actually devoted 3 and a half minutes of his next podcast episode to reading it out loud, and reacting and responding to it!! I still haven't come back down to earth yet!

You can hear this moment here: I've cued this link to start at the 13:19 minute mark, where JAT starts reading my comment! 

But after listening to this, please rewind and listen from the beginning. This is an excellent episode and good introduction to his podcast. You can listen ad-free on YouTube, by opening YouTube in the Brave browser. Or you can listen to this podcast elsewhere too, on iTunes, Spotify, Goodpods, etc...

I promised JAT that I'd spread the word about his work, to try to help him reach 100K YouTube subscribers, so here we go... Here's nearly there, but needs more subscribers to just push him to the finish line! Even if you're not a fan of Obi Wan Kenobi from the Clone Wars, there's plenty of fun, interesting and inspiring stuff in this podcast, and loads of fun videos on his YouTube channel! 

And, for even more of a deep dive into his work, check out his website!!<<---

Conducting the Chicago Chamber Choir at their Reunion Concert, February 2022

On Sunday February 27th, 2022, I had the great honor of being invited back to conduct the Chicago Chamber Choir again, at their big 25th Anniversary Reunion Concert. I decided to direct one of my own choral works, "How the Sun Rose", a setting of an Emily Dickinson poem.

This link will take you directly to the start of "my" section, in the 2nd half of the (2 hour) concert:

https://youtu.be/Z7KenZG1Xu0?t=4735

Before conducting my piece, I gave a little speech about my role as the choir's founder, my involvement with the CCC over the years, and my reasons for choosing to conduct this piece.

This was the Chicago Chamber Choir's long awaited Reunion Concert, featuring me as the founder and former director, and other past conductors from the choir’s history and a choir of CCC alumni from the past 26 years.

It was a wonderful experience. I was humbled to be up there conducting the CCC and sharing the stage with Chris Windle, Timm Adams and Amy Keipert, the other former and current conductors! And I was thrilled to have quite a few friends in the audience supporting me, as well as getting to meet up with old friends from the Chicago Chamber Choir again.

The story of my founding of the CCC

 

I've told this story so many times, orally, over the years, that I can still remember all the details of it very clearly. Thanks to a friend, who recently asked me again how I managed to build a choir, here it is, finally!

Chapter 1: Early Beginnings – Luminaria – September 1996

It starts back in September 1996, with my decision to look for a choir to join, in order to find musician friends in Chicago. This was right after I moved to the USA from England, in July 1996. I was newly married, young (age 24) and in love! But apart from my new husband (Dave), I didn't know anyone at all here in Chicago! He was about to begin his PhD classes at the UIC, and I was about to be left alone in our small one-bedroom apartment. So, soon after settling in, I went about looking for two things: 1) some students to teach piano, flute and voice to, to earn some money and 2) a choir to join!

Back then, there was no internet, but the main source of information on local events and things of interest was the Chicago Reader newspaper. Many things were advertised in this, from items for sale, to services on offer, to community and cultural events and opportunities. So I read through it and it was here I found an ad for a brand new choir called Luminaria. It was being started up by another young woman, just 2 years older than me, called Deborah Skydell (age 26). She was seeking singers to audition for her new choir, and advertised it as a new community effort, with a focus on performing new, contemporary music, as well as music from around the world. I went along for the audition in Wicker Park. I soon discovered that she wasn't just seeking singers; she was also seeking people to help her get the choir up and running! She only had a handful of people so far! So, not only did Deborah accept me as a singer, but she asked me if I would consider being one of the founding members of this group, and join the "committee". There was no Board of Directors. There was just a small group of volunteers; a handful of Deborah's friends who were also singers in the choir, who formed a small, organizing committee. I said yes! I was so new and fresh in Chicago, and I knew this could be a good opportunity for me.

So, in September 1996, I became a singer and founding member of this new choir, Luminaria, and a member of the organizing committee. As well as regular weekly rehearsals, we also had regular weekly committee meetings, and I found myself becoming completely involved with all aspects of getting this new choir up and running. At that time, we weren't focused on setting up a Board of Directors. We were just the organizing committee, and we focused solely on the essentials: putting on concerts, raising money and raising awareness of our group. I helped mainly by designing and printing out flyers and tri-fold brochures, on my home computer and home printer! And after making these flyers and brochures, I got them photocopied at Kinko and ran around distributing them and putting up the flyers everywhere: around the UIC campus, around the local churches, at local clinics, local stores, coffee shops, restaurants, hair salons, nail salons, anywhere that would take a flyer and/or brochure! I did an awful lot of leg work in those days!

Gradually, we built up Luminaria to 24 singers, and we put on concerts about 3 times a year, in a few churches around the Chicagoland area. We had found a very cheap rehearsal space at the Wicker Park Field House: a small pavilion in the middle of the Wicker Park recreation area. It had a basketball gym and a wood-floor room adjacent to it with an old beat up piano, that was just large enough to accommodate our rehearsals. The fee was nominal! (Something like $6 a week I think!) We found church spaces to perform in, from asking around our neighborhoods and becoming friendly with local pastors.

Deborah was of course the Artistic Director of Luminaria, and she made all the decisions on what music we performed, how we performed it, etc. She put together all the concert programs, and directed the rehearsals and concerts. However, being one of the most experienced musicians in her choir, I quickly became like a deputy AD to her, filling in conducting rehearsals if she was sick, taking sectionals, etc. I also became the official piano accompanist for rehearsals. (I didn't play the piano in the concerts; everything we sang was a cappella, but I did play the piano for the rehearsals, to help the choir learn the music). I was like Deborah's "right hand man", listening to her ideas, debriefing with her after rehearsals, being a sounding board for issues, and trouble shooting problems with her, etc. We talked a lot on the phone, via email, and in person, always about Luminaria.

During this time, in addition to teaching piano, flute and voice privately in my apartment, and helping to run Luminaria, I was also composing music. In the early spring of 1998, I finished composing one of my first choral compositions (a Mag & Nunc). Luminaria had been up and running for about a year and a half. This was when I asked Deborah if she would consider having the choir perform one of my choral composition! She seemed very enthusiastic! She was absolutely all for that, as one of her missions was to focus on new composers. She couldn't fit it in the program immediately, but she promised me she would put my composition into a concert in the following year, spring 1999. Even though this was a year away, I was quite happy with that.

In the meantime, we had a big project to focus on in the fall of 1998: Deborah's Master's Degree recital! She told us all that she was working towards her masters degree in conducting. And, as part of her final exam, she had to do a recital with a choir, with her conducting. This recital was down in Champaign-Urbana, at the University of Illinois. We were all very fond of Deborah by this time, and we were all very enthusiastic about trekking all the way down to Champaign-Urbana to perform for her recital. So we did! This was late fall, probably late November / early December 1998.

We also did a Holiday concert in mid December 1998, and everything seemed to be going really successfully with Luminaria. The music was fun, the singers were lovely, and we all got on so well. As well as helping to run the organizational side of Luminaria, I was also helping to run the social side of Luminaria. I wrote a little monthly newsletter that I printed out and distributed among the singers, keeping everyone up to date with what was going on with Luminaria, and doing spotlights on one singer each month. I created a phone directory of all the singers phone numbers (and those few who had email) and distributed that among the singers. I hosted a few parties at my apartment, and every week, after rehearsals, I encouraged the singers to hang out for drinks at a local bar in Wicker Park, just down the road from our rehearsal. Not everyone came to these parties or the weekly bar hang-outs, but a decent bunch of people did, and this was the social life and heart and soul of the choir.

 

Chapter 2: The Big Shock – December 1998

HOWEVER! We all got a big shock in late December 1998! It was just after Christmas, and right before New Year's. Since this was before most people had email, Deborah made an announcement to everyone BY TELEPHONE! She called every single one of us on the phone, and left voice messages. And what a shocking voice message! It was a long message and it sounded like she was reading from a script. Her voice was all bright, cheery and breezy. I can still hear her voice in my head to this day:

It went something like this: “Hi! I just wanted to thank each and every one of you so much for singing for my Master’s Degree recital, and for all your wonderful support over the last 2 years. You’ve all been great singers, and great friends, and I’ve been so honored to be your conductor, and perform all this wonderful music with you. I’ve now got some exciting news to share with you! I’ve had a wonderful new opportunity come up, which is taking me off to Israel in the new year! I’ll be leaving in January. I’m going to be in Israel for 2 years, teaching and doing music. So, I wanted to let you all know that Luminaria has now come to an end, but it’s been a wonderful ride while it’s lasted, and a wonderful adventure. And I really can’t thank you all enough for all your hard work, dedication and singing over the years! I hope we’ll keep in touch, and I’ll see you hopefully in a couple of years, when I come back to Chicago!”

Well!! As you can imagine, I was totally shocked! And, (as I soon found out later), so was everyone else! How could she sound so bright and breezy while announcing the end of Luminaria? She was clearly just really excited for her own new adventure in Israel! (We all knew she was Jewish, so her going to Israel was not in itself a surprise, but still!) I couldn’t believe it! I was devastated that Luminaria was suddenly and abruptly going to come to an end: it was almost my whole life, or at least a good chunk of it. I had put SO much time and energy into it, helping to run it, helping to organize it, and investing so much of my life into it. And it was also my entire social life! All my friends were in it! I couldn’t bear the thought of it all suddenly disappearing. And not only that, but what about her promise to perform my choral work (the Mag & Nunc) in the Spring of 1999? That had also suddenly evaporated, along with the choir!

That night, after going to bed, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and couldn’t sleep because my thoughts were churning about what to do. And then I had a sudden epiphany. If I wanted my choral composition to be performed, and if I wanted the choir to continue, there was only ONE thing I could do: I had to step up and offer to take the reigns. I had to save the choir! I knew that I wouldn’t be the only one shocked and devastated with this news: I knew that many of the others would feel the same.

The very next day, I got on the phone and called all the singers in the choir. I was right: everyone else was equally shocked and devastated at Deborah’s announcement too! A few of them were more sanguine about it: I think there were a few who had been considering stepping down anyway, due to the time commitment, and so those people were ready to be done anyway. But the majority of singers were equally shocked and not ready to be done at all. So, it soon became clear that I had a lot of support for my idea of stepping in to take the reigns and save the choir.

So I called an emergency meeting for the following week. I typed up an agenda and got ready to face all the singers with my plan. My idea was to offer to step up as a temporary conductor, until we could find and hire a professional replacement conductor. My friend John Staas (one of the basses in the choir) offered to host this emergency meeting in his apartment.

However, unbeknownst to me at the time, during this week, between Deborah’s big announcement, and my calling of the emergency meeting, other things were happening behind the scenes! My friend John Staas (who had offered his apartment for the emergency meeting), was also very close friends with Deborah. He told Deborah about this meeting, and told her what I was planning to do. I still don’t know (to this day) how he framed it to her, but when she found out about it, she wasn’t happy! To be fair to John, he was kind of caught in the middle of things: he was genuinely supportive of me and my plan, and wanted to help me, but he was also feeling loyal to Deborah, and feeling that he had to inform her of this meeting.

What I didn’t know (and what I don’t think John knew or realized either) was that, when Deborah found out, she was very upset about it! She immediately called her closest friends in the choir, including a girl called Sarah, who was her best friend, and one of the most active people on our Luminaria committee. And she apparently called other people too. I don’t know how many people she approached altogether, but, before the meeting even took place, she managed to get hold of many of the singers and fed them the false idea that I was suddenly trying to usurp her! I don’t know (to this day) what else she said about me, but she somehow managed to poison many of my own friends and singers in the choir against me!

So that already put many people off even coming to my emergency meeting! Instead of the full 24 singers, I only got about 10 people show up at my meeting! However, I proceeded with the meeting anyway, thanking everyone for coming and handing out my printed out agenda. I made it clear that I wanted to save the choir, and was offering to step up as a temporary conductor, until we could find and hire a new professional conductor. Everyone there was very supportive of me and my idea of continuing the choir. Like me, this choir was their main social life and their main source of music making. Like me, they couldn’t bear the thought of suddenly letting it go, and they were all willing to do what they could to help me continue it on.

And then, suddenly, in the middle of the meeting, Deborah herself showed up! With her best friend, Sarah, by her side. They both came in together and interrupted the meeting! With the adrenaline that was pumping at that moment, my memory of what exactly what Deborah said is hazy, but I remember that she stood in front of the group and made this case to everyone there, (as she had done over the phone to others prior to the meeting) that I was suddenly usurping her, and that she didn’t want Luminaria to continue under anyone else’s direction! She made this case that she was somehow the victim, and that I was somehow in the wrong! She took me totally by surprise and I was absolutely shocked and aghast! I remember attempting to argue, and state my case, but Deborah just shut me down, and proceeded to shut down the entire meeting! Everyone was very uncomfortable and they began to sheepishly creep out and the meeting dissolved. It was absolutely shocking and unbelievable!

In retrospect, later on, it became clear that Deborah had only formed Luminaria in order to complete her Master’s Degree in Conducting, and to have a choir to perform at her recital. She had never had any intention of continuing the choir beyond her Master’s recital. And so, when she discovered that the choir had taken on a life of its own, and didn’t want to be shut down, she was taken by surprise and didn’t like it!

At the time, not only was I shocked by her reaction to my idea to save the choir, but I also felt hurt and betrayed by Deborah. What had happened to our friendship? What had happened to her promise to perform my choral composition? Not only was she trying to thwart my idea of saving the choir, she was also ripping our friendship away.

When Deborah declared that she did not want Luminaria to continue, she made the following caveat: she said something like, “Well, if you insist on continuing this choir, you will have to change the name to something completely different, and you’ll have to start completely from scratch because I’m not supporting you!” It’s kind of funny that she thought this would prevent me from proceeding, but it actually gave me a way forward.

The very next day, I started brainstorming new ideas for a new name. And I came up with the name, “Cantabile”. It was one of my favorite Italian musical terms and means “in a singing style”. I’d seen this term written many times in my piano music, often indicating how the right hand melody line should be played. I loved the sound of it and thought it would be an appropriate name for a choir. So this is what I named my new choir, and we kept this name for the first year, before we changed the name to the CCC – (see Chapter 4 for this part of the story!) I was also quite willing to start again from scratch, without Deborah’s support, and I felt quite confident that I could do it, with all the experience I’d had, helping to run Luminaria over the prior 2 years. (Not to mention my in depth music experience in England over the last decade since my teens.) And I even felt excited by the freedom of starting afresh! I started getting new ideas for ways in which I could shape my own choir to be anything I wanted!

Luckily, Deborah didn’t manage to poison everyone against me! John Staas (who’d hosted the meeting) was sorry that she had done this. He still regarded her as a friend, but he also understood that Deborah was in the wrong, not me, and that I was just trying to save the choir. So he promised to support me going forward. And so, with his support (and Dave’s by this time, who stepped in), I called another meeting for the following week, at the rehearsal space at the Wicker Park field house. This time, I made sure that no one told Deborah, and I managed to get 10 people to come to that meeting as well. They mostly comprised the people who had been at that first meeting. They had all been supportive of me in the first place, and they all saw how Deborah came in and was acting kind of crazy, and they (luckily) didn’t believe her claims that I was usurping her! 

Despite the excitement of starting afresh, I did find it very sad that the rest of the group were not only not willing to support me, but they went off with a bad impression of me, having been poisoned against me, by Deborah. It was a shame that there was this split, and I never saw those people again. I’d not only lost Deborah’s friendship, but I’d also lost the friendship of half of the choir! However, I knew I just couldn’t dwell on that. So, I just picked up the pieces, and took the 10 people who were willing to support me, and moved forward.

 

Chapter 3: New Beginnings – Cantabile – January 1999

Up until this point, Dave had never been involved with my choir, mostly because he knew that this was my thing, my social life, and that I needed this, to stay sane and have an independent life outside of our marriage. However, after Deborah stepped down and made this big fuss and forced me to start my own new choir from scratch, Dave stepped in to help me. Being such a great mathematician, it was a no-brainer that he would become my new treasurer. (As I said, we had never had a Board as Luminaria, but we’d had a treasurer on the committee, who was one of the people who left). And, since Dave could also sing really well, he also joined the choir as a singer, and became one of my new tenors! Dave made it clear, from this point on, that he wasn’t going to run the choir for me, but he would be my new “right hand man” and help me with the finances, and anything else I needed. And he did!

Then there was John Staas. In addition to being a good friend to me, and one of our most staunch basses in the choir, he also happened to be an attorney! (Which turned out to be VERY useful in the near future!) He had already been part of the Luminaria committee, and he continued on as one of my very first committee members as well. Even before we created the very first Board of Directors, John Staas was already encouraging us to apply for Not-for-Profit status and get funding. And with his connections as an attorney, he helped us tremendously.

I can’t remember everyone’s name who joined me in the very beginning, but I ended up with about 10 singers, and about 6 of them willing to work with me on my committee. My initial core group of singers comprised Dave, John Staas, Brad Krause, Molly McCabe, Michael Collins, Mae Pittman, Andrew Sudds, Jerry Fusselman, Inga B, Scott Townsend and I can’t remember who else at the moment...

Clearly, 10 singers was not enough though, so I immediately got to work advertising in The Chicago Reader for new singers! Just as I’d responded to Deborah’s ad for Luminaria in The Chicago Reader, back in September 1996, it wasn’t long before I got lots of people responding to my ad for my new choir, Cantabile! Since I had a piano at home, I invited people to come to my apartment to audition, but I also remember doing some auditions at the Wicker Park Field house as well. Being in Chicago, it wasn’t long before I managed to build up the choir again to 24 singers! It grew slowly at first, over the first few weeks and months, but then, word of mouth spread, and more people came, friends of friends, etc. I can’t remember when we hit 24 singers, but that was my goal, and I know it didn’t take too long.

The audition process was interesting. I accepted most of the people who came along, but I do remember turning down a few, who couldn’t read music at all, or who had had absolutely no experience singing in a choir before, or who couldn’t really sing very well! I couldn’t afford to be too fussy, at the time, but I could definitely draw the line, so that we had singers who could at least read music, sing, and be molded into a decent enough ensemble.

During those first few months of Cantabile, I worked really hard to build up the choir and to work towards our first big performance in June 1999. Even though my initial idea had been to step in as a temporary conductor, it soon became clear that everyone wanted me to stay on as the main conductor and not try to find anyone else. So, I knew I was now established as the Artistic Director. As such, I had to focus mainly on the music: choosing the program, teaching the music to the choir, and teaching the choir how to sing together as an ensemble! However, even while focusing on the music, I still continued doing many of the same things I had been doing with Luminaria. For example, I created and printed new flyers and brochures, put them up all over the place, revisiting all the same haunts I’d visited before, to get flyers up in windows and on notice-boards. I called around and did some footwork, and finally found a new venue for our concert: a local church just up the road from where Dave and I lived. One fortunate thing was that I managed to keep the same rehearsal space in the Wicker Park field house, thanks to having built up a good relationship with the owner of the building, from before. I just took over the payment of the rent, and managed to get the owner to give me the key instead of Deborah!

Luckily, Dave and the friends I had around me in my “committee”, helped me tremendously with lots of other stuff, but there were still a few times when the amount of work involved in running and building this choir seemed overwhelming. But I was still very young, fit and energetic and I didn’t have any kids of my own yet, or any other major responsibilities, other than my private students. So I was able to pour all my time and energy into building the choir, running it and putting on concerts!

After a successful first big concert with Cantabile in June 1999, I then worked towards putting on a second big concert in December 1999. Before that, we did a few smaller “gigs” including a memorial service for Mae Pittman’s mother who passed away. I was finally able to have some of my choral compositions performed at these concerts! I had continued to work on composing, and now had 3 works, the “Mag & Nunc”, “How the Sun Rose” and an arrangement of a folk song called “Wondrous Love”, which we performed at both big concerts and got them professionally recorded.

 

Chapter 4: Becoming the Chicago Chamber Choir – mid December 1999

During our first year as Cantabile (Jan 1999 to mid Dec 1999), not only was I working on putting on concerts, but the committee and I were working hard towards setting up a proper Board of Directors for the first time, and achieving Not-For-Profit-Status. John Staas, my attorney friend, helped gather all the necessary documentation, read up on all the laws and bylaws, etc, and taught our committee what was going to be involved. With his help, and the help of others on the committee, we finally became ready to take this next step by mid December 1999. Since I was the Artistic Director, everyone agreed that I should appoint the positions of the people on the Board.

By this time, I had become quite close friends with a dynamic woman called Molly McCabe. She was one of my altos in the choir, and was also a successful businesswoman in her own right. She was the obvious choice for President of the Board, since she had a good business head on her, and was confident, articulate and very smart. Dave was already my Treasurer, so that was an easy choice. Mae Pittman became my Secretary as she was a hard worker, loyal and a sweet person. I honestly don’t remember who I appointed as Vice President. It may have been Timm Adams. Timm Adams was one of my most talented basses in the choir, and he would soon be stepping up as our new Artistic Director, after I had to reluctantly step down later that year. (But that’s another story!!) At this point, in mid December 1999, he was either my Vice President or at least an active member of our brand new Board.

Immediately after becoming an official Board of Directors, the very first thing we did was apply for Not-for-Profit status. During this process, we had to take a close look at ourselves: our group and our mission, because in order to apply, you have to write a description of each of these things. Who are we as a group? What is our name? What does it mean? What is our mission? So this is when the subject of our name came up and became a BIG discussion.

My brand new President of the Board, Molly McCabe was the one who came up with the idea that we should change our name. She had two main reasons:

1) She was very concerned that the name “Cantabile” was not a good name because not many people knew how to pronounce it properly! Most people (especially non-musicians) would say “Canta-bile” (rhyming with “mile”). Which obviously sounded yucky!

Other people, in attempting to say it correctly, would say “Can-tee-blay” which was better, but still wrong!

I immediately argued that we could easily teach people how to pronounce it properly, by writing the phonetic spelling underneath the title, ie, “Can-tah-bee-lay”. But Molly quickly dismissed this argument saying, “no, if you have to teach your audience how to pronounce your name, you’ve got a problem and should change your name!”

2) She felt that we ought to come up with a name that put “Chicago” in the title, which would be better for business. It would link us to our location, (since we were in Chicago), link us to this historical city (of which we were proud), and help us gain financial support from donors and other organizations, and help us gain wider recognition.

She was absolutely right, of course, especially with her second reason. However, at the time, I was (understandably) too emotionally attached to the name Cantabile, that I had chosen, to be able to recognize the wisdom and truth of what she was saying. Firstly, I loved the sound of the name “Cantabile” purely from an aesthetic viewpoint. Secondly, I didn’t like the idea of putting “Chicago” in the title. This was my choir, and to be honest, I didn’t yet feel like Chicago was “home” to me. I had only lived in the US at this point for 4 years. I wanted to somehow imbue my choir with my British identity, not have my choir be swallowed up by the name of this big city! Of course, in retrospect, this all sounds rather selfish and narrow-minded, but it was understandable!

Luckily for the future of the choir, I was the only person who dissented against Molly’s idea. Everyone else on the Board agreed with her. I listened as they all tried out various names with “Chicago” in the title. They obviously couldn’t choose “Chicago Symphony Chorus” because that was already taken, and they obviously couldn’t choose “Chicago A Cappella” since that was already taken. It was Molly who came up with the title, “Chicago Chamber Choir”. She had already done her research on this name! Apparently, there had once been a “Chicago Chamber Choir” but it had disbanded 15 years ago, and so the name was once more up for grabs! I remember she turned to me and asked, “Toria, what is the definition of a Chamber Choir?” and I said, “It’s an old term, dating back to medieval times, meaning a small choir at the King’s Royal court, that can fit into a chamber, ie, a room.” That answer satisfied her. “OK, well, we’re a relatively small choir of 24 singers. Is that small enough to constitute a chamber choir?” I said “yes”. “Good,” she went on, “and since Chamber Choir is an old English term, and referred to choirs at the Royal Court, that does give a nod to your British roots!” I had to give a wry smile at her brilliance. It wasn’t much of a nod, but OK.

Everyone liked the sound of “Chicago Chamber Choir”. It had a nice ring to it, and could be shortened to the acronym “CCC” which was cute. The Board put it to a vote and it was almost unanimous. I was the only person who voted against it! It would take me years to be able to look back and see how wrong I was to try to cling to the name “Cantabile”, and how right Molly was to push for this name change to the “Chicago Chamber Choir”! However, thanks to the laws of Board votes, the name change won and the new name, “Chicago Chamber Choir” became established from that point on.

So from mid December 1999 on, I was now the Artistic Director of the Chicago Chamber Choir. At our big Holiday concert on December 12th 1999, therefore, I was able to publicly announce the name change, and introduce the world to “The Chicago Chamber Choir”. With my husband's help, I've recently converted the old VHS video recording of that concert to digital format, and so you can now see that entire concert at this YouTube link here:

CCC Holiday Concert, December 1999

How and why I stepped down as Artistic Director of CCC, in early 2000, is written up as a separate story on my Blog, titled, “How I handed the baton of the CCC to Timm Adams”. I had actually announced his take-over at our big Christmas concert in mid December 1999, at the same time as announcing the name change. I had also given him the chance to conduct one piece in that concert. However, the following four months, from January to April 2000 was a transition period, when Timm Adams was officially the new AD, but kind of “in training”, with me at his side, co-piloting as it were! Finally, I stepped down altogether and he took over completely in April 2000.

Suffice it to say, my stepping down was with great reluctance, and was only due to health issues. And, despite stepping down as AD, I continued on with the CCC, as Associate Conductor and deputy to Timm, Composer in Residence, Secretary of the Board and a singer for many more years to come. While I’m no longer involved with the CCC now in any official capacity, I am still to this day a great friend and supporter of the choir and its current director, Christopher Windle. And, I will always have the great honor of being the CCC’s official Founder and first Artistic Director.

 

Epilogue: Controversy over CCC’s history

While things went smoothly after Timm Adams took over as AD at the beginning of 2000, there was unfortunately a point at which something controversial happened. I think it was around 2005 to 2006. Not long after Timm Adams started, the idea of writing up CCC’s history came up. They needed to have a written history to put in their concert programs, and on their new website. (I don’t know exactly when that was). Anyway, they approached me, and asked me to write a short history summary of the choir, which I did. And for the first few years, my written history summary was the accepted history of the choir.

However, in 2005, somebody read this history summary and said, “No, we don’t want the start of the CCC to be with Cantabile in 1999, we want the start of the CCC to be with Luminaria in 1996. THIS way, we can celebrate CCC’s 10th anniversary in 2006!! And this will help generate lots of publicity for us!” Whoever this was then approached John Staas (I think) and got from him the story of Deborah’s founding of Luminaria back in September 1996.

And so, the new written history summary of the CCC now stated that Deborah Skydell was the original founder of the CCC, not me! When I saw this, of course, I was shocked! While I totally understood the idea of wanting to consider CCC as being 10 years old and wanting to celebrate its 10th anniversary, for the sake of publicity, I did not like the idea of Deborah Skydell being given the credit for founding the CCC, when she had actively tried to STOP me from saving the choir and moving forward with a new choir!! I was the one who rescued the choir, took the remnants of it and started my own new choir from scratch, which then became the CCC!

While I tried to protest this new “history”, I was met with resistance! I was told that, well, it was technically true, what I was saying, but that the history could and should be framed to make CCC go back to 1996, and it was better for business anyway! And things were already moving forward with plans for the 10th anniversary of CCC in the new year (2006), so it couldn’t be stopped now! My arguments were shut down, and the “new history” went forward.

Since then, I have at least managed to get the current AD, Christopher Windle, to be sympathetic towards me, and agree that the history shouldn’t have been changed. BUT, Deborah Skydell’s name is STILL written there, in black and white, in the history on the CCC website, as the original founder in 1996! This is another reason why I’m finally writing down the history, myself, to publish it on my Blog and to put it out there. I’m actually not against including Deborah Skydell in the history, as part of the early beginnings. But I would like it to be known that she neither wanted to continue the choir herself, NOR wanted me or anyone else to continue it, and actively tried to prevent it from happening. And that I’m the one who saved the choir and re-formed it, starting almost from scratch, and was the one who, under my tenure allowed the Board of Directors to be formed, appointed a President and oversaw the name-change to the CCC! I am at least thankful that Christopher Windle and many of my friends in the CCC refer to me and introduce me to people as the “original founder”, and I have that title at least in “oral legend” even if not (yet) in the written history. Changing this written history is something I would still like to see, eventually.

Sweet Baby Album - 23rd Anniversary

Sweet Baby Album - Copyright (c) 1998

To celebrate the 23rd anniversary of this album, I've now created 15 new Youtube videos, to go with each of the 15 songs. (See links below). These videos contain the lyrics that go with each song.

These songs are my own compositions and/or arrangements. Nine of them are traditional melodies (e.g. "Golden Slumbers") that I arranged. The other 6 are my own original compositions (e.g. "Far in the Wood"), with texts taken from poems or folk songs. The vocals, piano, flute, synthesized strings and percussion were performed by me. 

This album was produced in 1998 by myself (Toria Burrell) and Garry Grasinski. It was recorded and engineered by Andrew Arbetter at the Studio Media recording studio in Evanston, Illinois 

It was a project that was commissioned and funded by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, a well known pediatrician in Chicago, Illinois, who also happened to be my piano student for a few years, at the time. It was intended to accompany a new book he wrote called "Sweet Baby, How to Soothe Your Newborn."

Dr. Weissbluth asked me to write lullabies for babies, and so I created songs that are relatively simple and soothing. However, I also wanted these songs to be appreciated by anyone of any age, especially parents who would be playing the songs for their children. I didn't want the parents getting bored and fed up with them! So I made the songs a little more interesting than your average "lullaby" as well as pretty to listen to, with polished musical performances. Therefore, while these can be used as lullabies for babies, I regard them more as artful, relaxing folk songs, for all ages.

I'm pleased to say that over the years, as I've had feedback on this album, many people (of all ages) have found these songs enjoyable and soothing to listen to. My hope is that they will continue to offer people a form of musical therapy and relaxation, as well as being memorable and singable for generations to come.

I have created videos for all of these songs on Youtube. Click on the song titles to access them:

1. Go to Sleep My Baby (Pat's Lullaby)
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional English lullaby

2. Sleep My Baby (The Gilly Flower)
Music written by Toria Burrell
Words from traditional Rumanian lullaby 

3. Irish Lullaby (The Golden Cradle)
Music written by Toria Burrell
Words from traditional English lullaby 

4. The Sleepy Song (Counting Sheep)
Music written by Toria Burrell
Words from a poem by Josephine Daskam Bacon

5. Dors Mon Petit Enfant (French Lullaby)
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional French lullaby

6. Sleep While Thy Fond Mother Sings
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional English lullaby

7. Far In The Wood
Music written by Toria Burrell
Words from an anonymous poem

8. Ariana's Lullaby
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional Jewish lullaby

9. As Night Falls
Music written by Toria Burrell
Words written by Dr. Weissbluth's son

10. A Cradle Song (Sleep Beauty Bright)
Music written by Toria Burrell
Words from a poem by William Blake

11. The Gartan Mother's Lullaby
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional Irish lullaby

12. Welsh Lullaby
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional Welsh lullaby

13. Golden Slumbers
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional English lullaby

14. Gaelic Cradle Song
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional Welsh lullaby

15. Now the Day is Over
Music arranged by Toria Burrell
Words and melody from traditional 19th century Lutheran hymn

You can also click on this link here, which takes you to the playlist I created on Youtube, which has all 15 songs in one place:
Sweet Baby Album 

All music was written and arranged by Toria Burrell.

Lullabies, poems and folk songs researched and collected by Toria Burrell.

Solo and backing vocals by Toria Burrell.

Piano, flute and other keyboard instruments played by Toria Burrell.

Produced by Toria Burrell and Garry Grasinski.

Recorded and engineered by Andrew Arbetter in 1998, at the Studio Media Recording Studio, in Evanston Illinois, USA.

Toria's Pop Songs

Toria Burrell, 2002

Toria's Pop Songs from 1998

Taking a look back at some of the pop songs I wrote, in the first half of 1998. I have now created 3 Youtube videos to go with the 3 pop songs that were recorded. (See links below). There was a 4th one that got recorded, but it never made it onto a CD! It remained on one of those old micro cassette tapes, and never got transferred to a digital format! Unless I can locate that micro cassette tape (which I hope to one day) and convert it somehow to a digital MP3, it will remain lost! I also wrote a few other pop songs which just never got recorded. I have some of them in print on paper and some that were just lyrics with guitar chords hand written above! 

Anyway, I'm happy that these 3 made it off the page and into the digital music realm, and that I've finally figured out how to convert them into Youtube videos, so that I can share them with you.

These 3 songs were produced in 1998, with the help of my friend and fellow musician, Garry Grasinski. The vocals, piano, flute and synthesized strings were performed by me. The drums, bass, electric and acoustic guitar were performed by Garry Grasinski. The music was recorded, mixed and mastered by Garry Grasinski, in his home studio in Chicago, Illinois.

These songs are now available on Youtube. (Click on the song titles).  

1.  "England Song"
Music and lyrics by Toria Burrell
Vocals, piano, flute & synths by Toria Burrell
Drums, bass, electric & acoustic guitar by Garry Grasinski
Engineered by Garry Grasinski

2.  "Forget Regret"
Music and lyrics by Toria Burrell
Vocals, piano, flute & synths by Toria Burrell
Drums, bass & acoustic guitar by Garry Grasinski
Engineered by Garry Grasinski

3.  "Portugal Song"
Music and lyrics by Toria Burrell
Vocals, piano, flute, percussion & synths by Toria Burrell
Engineered by Garry Grasinski

You can also click on this link here, which takes you to the playlist I created on Youtube, which has all 3 songs in one place:
Toria's Pop Songs

The photos used in the video for "Forget Regret" were taken by Jerry Fusselman in the spring of 2002.

All music and lyrics were written by Toria Burrell.

Solo and backing vocals by Toria Burrell.

Piano, flute and other keyboard instruments played by Toria Burrell. 

Drums, bass, electric & acoustic guitar by Garry Grasinski.

Produced by Toria Burrell and Garry Grasinski.

Recorded and engineered by Garry Grasinski in 1998, in Chicago Illinois, USA.